My thoughts for today

Well, I am feeling a little down. I had this CT scan done yesterday looking for an Inner Ear Tumor :( I have no idea if they found one, and won't know until late next week. It is a long time to wait to find out this sort of information! I started to feel dizzy soon after we got to New South Wales. Finally gave in and went to see the Drs. Got a locum who was very hippy like.... wore a plait and kept telling me everything would be fine and all was good! very weird :) Anyhow, he told me I had an inner ear infection and it should clear up by itself within 3-5 days. Of course, he wasn't at all put off when I told him I had already had the dizziness for over 4 days.... nope! it should be on the wane then.

I then went to a different Dr LOL . This was 2 weeks later. He prescribed some tablets to ease the dizziness, which by now, had settled to during the night, getting up/sitting up or looking over my left shoulder, rather than all the time. I took these tablets, which cost me a fortune, and within days, I was so itchy I wanted to remove my skin. Turns out that one of the top side effects of these tablets was itchiness.... so I didnt take them anymore!!

back to the Dr's. This time he suggested a CT scan to check for this tumor. Now, I like this Dr, he is funny and makes you feel important, but it is amazing how casual some people can be when they are suggesting to you that you may have a growth in your head LOL

It was a horrible experience. It started by having to fast for four hours before the appointment. I was only allowed black tea or water. By 10am, the appt time, I was starving! Since breaking my leg in Oct '89, I am extremely wary of hospitals and I am claustraphobic and hate lying on my back so I was not looking forward to this experience at all. Turned out I had to have an injection of Iodine dye for a contrast scan, I also hate needles :) The machine turned out to be a huge donut, not a tunnel, so that was something. And they recommend that you shut your eyes and not try to watch what was going on. Ever notice that when someone tells you NOT to do something, you suddenly have this overwhelming urge to do that very thing !! I tried to shut my eyes, but I had to keep peeking... I am like a kid LOL But in the end, I did keep them closed as I figured that it was the only way to get through the experience. It was like having your head filled with strong vibrations. I felt sick, hot, dizzy, awful... well, you get the picture! Just as I was thinking I couldn't do it anymore, they came and injected the dye and it was almost over. The second part of the scan, after the dye went in, wasn't as long and I did get through it. All up I was in the hospital for one and half hours, and yet the scan took all of about 15mins, if that!

CT Scan

The smell
That is the first thing that hits me
God
I really hate hospitals
Keep me safe
And
Guide those looking after me so that they do their job well

Sitting
Endless sitting
Waiting
Endless waiting

Don’t they know
Can’t they see
How so very scared and anxious
I am

Finally
Some progress

No
I am taken to sit
Isolated in an alcove
Not even Gary’s warm hand to
Hold

A needle
A needle the size of a garden hose
That is what they want to
Stick in my arm

God,
I hate hospitals

Nurses
Chatting about puss and gore
I feel
Sick

A donut
They want me to lie down and be
The filling in a donut!

Head feels like
Exploding!
Vibrations
I feel
Sick!
Now
Don’t talk while we put in the dye
Okay
So… how long have you been here then?
Trying not to answer

Back in the donut
Trying to keep eyes shut
Trying to get through it

You did well!
It is
Over

My head hurts
I
Hate
Hospitals

I feel
Sick!

Today, I just have a headache and a slightly unreal feeling. I will feel better when I know what is going on. It is the unknown that is scary!

'til next time :)